《棋魂》『同人文collection』Akira+Hikaru BL!

2025-07-27 12:42:03

棋魂

MichelleLok：哇!我要中文！！！！！题主你欺负人！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！发布于 2019-02-07 07:48:33

冰羽：晕~~~~~~~~~
救护车！！！！！！！！
策策，快救命啊，你的吧民要走了~~~~~~~ 发布于 2019-02-07 07:48:23

218.80.183.*：不过……为什么未完啊！被吊胃口是很痛苦的事啊~~~~~ 发布于 2019-02-06 19:39:53

百度用户#1865149：太感激大人了天天被逼看托福很痛苦这样我就能名正言顺的看小说了
ps:妈妈不懂英文
^-^ 发布于 2019-02-06 03:54:53

：题主~~~~~我读书没读好~~~~~~看不懂~~~~~~~~~~翻成中文吧？？？？？？？？？发布于 2019-02-05 17:11:53

220.109.164.*：看不懂，我和楼上一样，学的是日发布于 2019-02-05 16:45:03

百度用户#1130887：这不欺负人嘛？！偶学的不是英文是日文的说发布于 2019-02-05 16:19:23

218.108.157.*：题主呀，耍我们呀，竟然全是英文，偶们英语还没出师，根本看不了几行，你就饶了偶们吧，把中文的贴出来发布于 2019-02-05 16:03:03

218.80.181.*：好强啊~~~居然还是英文的！行！就当锻炼英语水平。（哪有这样的）发布于 2019-02-05 15:09:53

youdang：晕！下载下来慢慢看！发布于 2019-02-05 12:46:43

149.99.24.*：
'Now let's go ramen!'
Waya puts his hand around my waist, laughing.
'No way in hell. We'll have sushi.'
Isumi-san looks away not wanting to get into the fight.
'I'm the one paying! We'll have ramen!'
Waya frowns.
'I moved all the furniture by myself! And I want sushi!'
I laugh as we walk out of my house. I turn around to lock the door. Waya turns around too, to not let go of my waist. I blush. I don't want to think that's any special. But that's hard to do considering all facts.
'Fine. We'll have sushi' I concede, mainly because I'm nervous. I can see Isumi-san going pale with the corner of my eye. So I'm not the only one thinking that Waya's behaviour is weird.
After locking the door, I walk up to Isumi-san and Waya lets go of me.
We all start walking towards Waya's favourite sushi restaurant. Even though we are all joking and laughing, I can sense a weird atmosphere surrounding us. And Isumi-san is sending angsty looks in Waya's direction every few minutes.
I really would like to know what's going on. I hate being clueless.
We take a seat at the restaurant and order some food. After a while, Waya frowns, looking at me like if he was going to kill me.
'Nani?' I say, with an innocent face.
'You-ate-the-salmon', he says, approaching his face to mine.
I smile apologetically.
'You were way too busy telling us about that stuff that nobody cares about. Your own fault...', I tease him. A waitress brings us some desserts.
He picks the cherry out of my ice-cream and eats it slowly in front of me. Isumi-san actually makes a sort of strangled sound when he sees this.
I blush.
I don't know why I'm blushing. It's like the look in his eyes, and the movements of his wet lips are disturbing me. And suddenly I imagine Touya in his place. I shrug and stand up muttering an apology. I rush to the bathroom and start washing my face. Touya eating a cherry in a sexy way? S... s... sexy way? Damn, what's wrong with me? Waya's wasn't even a sexy way! He was just teasing me. It was my cherry. I knew ordering ice-cream was a mistake... I'm way too old to eat that stuff. It's...girly. And my hormones are giving me a hard time, lately.
The door of the bathroom opens at my back. And as I lift my face, I can see through the mirror that Waya is standing behind me, with a worried look in his face. He puts a hand in my shoulder.
'Shindou? Are you ok?' he says, his eyes filled with concern.
I feel the blood rushing to my face again and I look away.
He takes another step towards me. His chest is almost touching my back.
I think I'm sick. I mean, surely Waya has always been like that, but since that weird thing yesterday, I sort of see lots of intentions in every movement he does. I smile nervously and I'm about to get away from him rudely. But I feel bad about it, because Waya is my friend. So I stay like that for some more seconds, looking at him through the mirror, and noticing how my face almost glows, so red it is. He is looking at me seriously, and as he is about to speak, I smile gently and get away from him, walking out of the bathroom.
There's a mortified look on Isumi-san's face. Some minutes later, he excuses himself, saying that he doesn't feel well, and leaves. Waya and I are left alone. I don't know why, things seems to lighten after that. And when we leave the restaurant, we are both laughing out loud, and having a great time. Once again, Waya has been able to fix my day.
And laughing and pushing each other like kids we walk into the night.

TBC
----------------------------------------------------------- 发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
Seems the day is getting better.
While I wait for them, I take Shuusaku's goban and set it on my room, at my futon's side. I caress the smooth surface, thinking about Sai. Lately I've been thinking about him a lot. After that last dream in which Sai would only smile somewhat sadly while I told him about my game with Touya, I have never ever dreamt of him again. Sometimes it seems so unreal that I think it was all a trick of my mind.
The ring of the door startles me and I run to open it. A happy Waya and a less brooding Isumi-san greet me.
'What the... Oi, Shindou, this is awful!!!' Waya is saying, looking around him. 'How could you set the table here? Come on!'
He starts moving the furniture and I find myself making a mental note of thinking it twice before asking Waya for help again. Isumi-san laughs and helps me lift a heavy box to place it over the table.
I wonder if I should make a remark about him being in a better mood. But I don't want to spoil it, so I just nod when he asks me if all the plates and glasses should be taken to the kitchen. We open a box filled with books next.
'Books?' Isumi-san asks with a surprised look.
'Aa...' I say absently while searching for the bookcase. Waya has set it against the wall, in front of the table that is now near the window. Alright, it looks better this way. I really have no sense of decoration.
'Ne, Waya, did you know Shindou-kun can read?' Isumi-san says mockingly.
I sigh.
'Yeah, manga' Waya answers teasing me.
I roll my eyes while taking some of the books and placing them in the bookcase.
'No, real books...' Isumi-san adds with a fake look of amazement.
'You mean, kifu's collections, right?'
I'm starting to clench my fists.
'No... they are western classics... and there are some Japanese classics too...' now he sounds genuinely amazed. The truth is that I bought those classics because Sai asked me to. Anyway I have read them all. Some of them two or three times already. Sai even met some of these authors when he was alive. Reading them makes me feel him closer to me. So I guess some of these books are like old friends of mine.
'At least they are not written in classical Japanese' Waya says while flipping through the pages of one of the books. I take it from his hands and set it on the bookcase.
'Oi, stop messing around. There's still a lot to do!' I say, going to grab the next box.
There is not much furniture. I have placed the shelfs I had in my old room in my new room. Mama took the fridge I had there and moved it to the garage. I won't be needing a fridge in my room anymore, I think. And this is a Japanese style apartment, so there's not many things I can decorate it with. Waya and Isumi-san have given a little indoor plant to me, like a housewarming present. I place it on the table.
Almost everything is settled now. I sigh smiling slightly. This has been a lot easier than expected. They have been a great help. They have earned the dinner. I wrap my arms around both their shoulders and smile teasingly.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
'You say that... but you didn't even tell me you were moving', he scowls.
Still, I think his voice is sort of shivering.
'Yeah, you're right. I forgot. It totally slipped my mind. I apologize about that.' I concede, still watching him intently.
He looks at me, then. I can see he doesn't believe me.
'I'm telling the truth!' I shout. 'I just forgot!'
'But you told them! And he was even helping you with your...' his voice trails off.
I blush.
I know we are thinking the same right now.
'About that...' I start again. I tried to tell him this morning, but he wouldn't let me.
'It's none of my business...' he says, turning around.
'Then why are you so mad about it!!!', I shout again. I really don't understand him.
'I am not mad about it!!'
We are being childish. This is like our fights after a go game, but even worse. Thanks God, we are on the back of the salon and the people can't hear everything. I wipe my forehead with my hand, sighing.
'Anyway, about what happened there with Waya... it is not...' I try again.
'I told you it's none of my business!', he interrupts me. There's not only rage in his eyes now. But I don't know what is that I see there. Still it makes his eyes sort of glow, and I have to look away, because I think I'm going to drown in them. It's like looking into Ogata-sensei's eyes, but adding something like excitement, hope and a big loss to the fear and resolution.
Feeling the anger burning inside me, I decide that this is too much. He doesn't want to listen to me. So there's no point in trying to shout louder than he.
'Alright, then.' I say, with a voice so cold that it even sounds strange to my own ears.
I take my backpack and stomp towards the exit. I'm really pissed off. This is not solving anything. I would say we're even worse than before I came here. Something inside me is waiting for him to call my name. But I know that won't happen. So I walk before Ishikawa-san (if that's her name at all) fuming and she tries to smile. I guess she just watches this as one of our fights. But I don't have to be really smart to know there's a difference. Even if I don't know what that difference is.
It takes me some time to calm down after leaving Touya's go salon. I feel so angry and upset at the same time. I take the train to my house. When I get there, I look at the mess that my living-room is in. I have barely unpacked the main stuff, so there are lots of boxes around that needs to be taken care of. Waya offered to come here today to help me with it. I turned him down, because I was really confused about what had happened, and wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible to go to Shuusaku's grave. But now I think I can use some help. It's not a big apartment. It only has a room, a huge living room, a bathroom and a big kitchen. But still it's difficult to fit everything there. I have absolutely no sense of decoration so I'm rather lost about all this.
Well, it's only around 5. I grab my cellphone and call Waya. He assures me he will be here with Isumi-san in less than thirty minutes. They will help me with this if I take them both out to dine afterwards. I agree.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
'Yo!', I say with a big smile. I'm fuming, but he doesn't need to know that right now.
Touya's head snaps up and he looks at me with an amusing expression on his features. My smile widens. Really. That expression is worth of a picture or something. But he reacts pretty fast. As expected from him. His hands are skillfully returning the stones to their go ke.
'Seems the tutoring session ended pretty soon...' He's the one who lied. I don't feel guilty for teasing him about it. His hand twitches and one of the stones falls, making a little crashing sound as it hits the floor. I reach for it and as I'm going to drop it into its go ke, my hand bumps into his hand. For a moment, I think he's going to drop all the stones he's holding, but he frowns and let them fall into their casks without saying anything. I look at my watch.
'When is Ashiwara-san coming?' I ask. I don't know if he was also lying about that. But there's a chance he wasn't. So I want to know how much time I have to tease him, apologize and try to take it all back to how it was before. I know I should have asked if he had some time before Ashiwara-san's arrival, but I'm not feeling like being polite right now. I don't give a damn about what I should be saying. He is lying to me. And I didn't lie to him. He didn't even give me the chance to.
Touya doesn't lift his face to look at me.
'A... any minute...' he says softly.
He is lying.
I'm getting all worked up again.
I take my backpack off my shoulders. I haven't left it with Ishikawa-san because I didn't think we would be playing. I take the umbrella out of it, and hand it to him.
'Yesterday, you... forgot this at my place...' forgot... what a nice way to say it. Maybe I should have said dropped. So much for teasing him. And I don't really think that would be teasing only him.
'Oh... Thank you.' he takes the umbrella and looks at me. Part of the coldness he was filling his eyes with before is gone. And I feel thankful. Because it's way too difficult to face him like that. Touya looks behind me, as if really waiting that Ashiwara-san will be coming here any minute.
'He isn't coming, right?' I draw my hand to my mouth. I was thinking that. But I didn't mean to say it out loud. Anyway, I don't care. He's being a jerk. He deserves it...
Touya then snaps out. He is frowning and looking at me really angry.
'Why are you stalking me?' he asks with a loud voice.
The irony of those words doesn't go unnoticed.
'You lied!' I say, also with a loud voice. I know it's childish, but it's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. And I've been being an idiot for 24 hours, so who cares?
'So what?' he asks me. 'It's not like you've never lied to me before!!!' he is really mad at me. He is standing now, his hands slammed against the table, his eyes piercing through my own eyes.
'So... so what???', I ask. I can't believe this. 'Oh, well, GREAT!! And here I thought you were my friend!' I shout, slamming my hands against the table too.
I can see the words die in his throat before he can say them. For some seconds we are both silent. I can see a shadow of something like hope in his eyes. But it is soon gone. And I must admit he has a point there. I lied. Not only to him, but to everybody. But that was different! And that has nothing to do with this, dammit! He looks away with pride. And that pisses me off even more. I frown deeper.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
Way to go, me. That's the spirit. Crush yourself in front of the door of Touya's go salon. Make it so that you'll be too embarrassed to even speak a word when you face him. What if Touya doesn't want to talk to me? He has been specially cold today. Ok, I know that thing with Waya was weird. But even if it is like that, why would he be so angry about it?
I lean my back against the wall of the building, while I try to get a hold on myself.
Sure I forgot to tell him I was moving.
But that's only because we are always playing when we're together, and I am so concentrated those times on our game that I forget about everything else. I set my mind, all my body, on the battle over the goban. I watch him play each hand, trying to read as far as I am able to guess what he is up to. I try to look for the answers in his eyes, as well as his hands, so how would I be thinking about my new apartment? We also end every game fighting. And I always leave all fired up. Come on, it's not that weird that I forgot to mention it.
Alright. I'll apologize for not having told him. And everything will be alright.
With that resolution I enter the building, trying to keep that little scornful voice that tells me that he's also bothered by what happened with Waya quiet.
What they think that happened with Waya, I think stubbornly. Because everything is a misunderstanding, and Waya wasn't about to kiss me.
I stop dead.
Kiss me? Where did that come from?
I'm blushing so hard that I think the steam is going to come up in spirals out of my ears.
I think I'm going crazy. For God's sake, Waya is a guy. I am a guy. There's no way that would happen.
With a deaf anger (directed only at me) I shake my head, trying to calm down. And I walk into the go salon. Ishikawa-san (I think that's her name) greets me, and I show her one of my best smiles. She tells me Akira-kun is on the back of the salon. I remember the place, it's where we played our first... where Sai and Touya played their first game. For some reason, in these two years I've been coming here to play him, we have never gone to that dark corner to play.
'Is he still playing shidougo?' I ask her. I don't really want to be a nuisance. Not that it really matters, since I can just watch the game as they play, but even...
'Shidougo?' she is laughing. 'No way. Akira-kun has been alone since he came. He asked me if someone came asking for a tutoring lesson to tell them that he was busy...'
This is worse than what I expected. I clench my fist in anger. He lied when he said he had a tutoring session. Does he hate me that much? I think it's the first time I've seen Touya lying. It's so disturbing I don't even know what to make of it.
'Ah... Thank you...', I don't know what else to say. So I walk towards that dark corner. I can watch him from here. His head is bowed, looking at the goban in concentration. I wonder if he is recreating some game. I can't remember who is he scheduled to play tomorrow.
I stop in front of him, but he's so deep into the game that he doesn't notice. I look at the patterns in the goban. And then I hold my breath, as I recognize it as our first game after Sai disappeared. I'm a bit shocked. I mean, I thought he was so mad at me that he didn't want to... well, I don't know what I mean, but I sure wasn't expecting him to be recreating our game. That's almost enough to make my anger go away. Almost.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
'Shindou!!' I stop and turn around again.
Waya and Isumi-san are walking out of the elevator. Waya is smiling and waving his hand, while Isumi-san is avoiding my eyes. He has been doing that all the morning. I wonder if it has something to do with what happened yesterday. Beats me... No, really, it's like everything is upside down, and I don't know where I did go wrong.
As Waya runs towards me, I look at the floor. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as he reaches me and pushes me towards the door. Isumi-san follows us without saying a word.
I smile at Waya and get away from him. He doesn't seem to care, that big smile still on his lips. I turn around to look at Isumi. He looks away one more time. It is starting to piss me off.
'Did you win?' I ask Waya, who is talking non-stop about something. I haven't been really listening to him. I smile guiltly as he frowns and tells me that he has already told me that he did. I, then, look at Isumi-san, 'What about you?'
Isumi-san finally looks at me. He looks confused and kind of pained.
'I won too.'
Waya says something about going to celebrate that we all won. I'm not feeling like celebrating anything. Knowing that the person who means almost everything to me (career-wise, I mean) doesn't want to play me is really bothering me. I wince at this thought. Hey, listen to me. I'm sounding like a moping boyfriend, or something like that...
... Yeah, right.
It's too late now to stop the train of thoughts. That little show at my apartment comes crawling into my head again. I don't want to think about that. I really don't want. It's bad enough that, after seeing Isumi-san's and Touya's reactions, I'm starting to understand what they think they saw there. But... I shake my head. No, I don't want to think about Waya sort of hitting on me...
Well done, me. There goes the blushing thing again. I must be wrong...
Or sick.
Or both.
'Gomen' I say, managing to smile at them. At least apologetically. Both Waya and Isumi-san are looking at me now. 'I mean... I... well, have something to do...' Waya seems desolated. Now Isumi-san looks discontent, Waya desolated, and Touya hates me. I must be a jerk. I sigh inwardly as I try to smile once again, 'Ne, guys, let's meet later, OK? Let's go have dinner. My treat.' Not only I am a jerk, I sound like one too.
But Waya is smiling me back, nodding.
I, then, turn around, and run away from them. The relief overwhelms me.
Now, I also feel like a jerk.
I walk and walk while I try to understand what is going on around me. My steps are taking me to Touya's go salon. If he had a tutoring session, he surely is there. If he is going to discuss some kifu with Ashiwara-san, he will probably do it there too. I wonder how I should approach him to not feel like a complete idiot, and that's hard because I've been feeling like one for almost 24 hours in a row, now.
Ah, that's right! The umbrella. I take my backpack off my shoulders and look inside. Yeah, it is there. I should have given it to him when I stopped him in the Nihon Kiin. But he was ignoring me in such a blatant way that it totally slipped my mind. I don't really know if it is a good idea. I found it laying on the floor when I came home from Shuusaku's grave last night. I think he was so shocked that he dropped it when... when...
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：Chapter 3: Lies.

He doesn't want to play me.
I've been standing here, in the Nihon Kiin's lobby, like an idiot, for a long time. Or so it seems. I have managed to smile like if there was nothing different between us, while he was here. But I guess Touya knows me better than anybody. Because I am his... Maybe I should say I was his rival. Because now, he doesn't want to play me.
For some reason, that thought is scary. Because he gave my life a sense. It was his passion for this game what made me wake up and, for the first time in my life, ache to achieve something. And suddenly all I wanted was to be noticed by him. To gain his respect. To be acknowledged. Because he only saw Sai in me...
How it hurt. How jealous I was. Seeing the happy face of Sai each time he played drove me mad. Watching him win one game after another made me want to cry. I hated when people thought Sai was me, because the only thing I did those times was laying stones as he told me. I hated the looks of the people who were being crushed by Sai. The scared eyes that looked at me (Sai), wondering who the hell I (Sai) was. I also hated the dazed eyes that looked at me (but once again, it was Sai) in awe. The greedy eyes of the go players who know what the Hand of God is, and that I (Sai) was a mean to reach it. I hated all that because I was just a moron. Because I had no strength. Because I longed for Touya to look at me (not Sai) in that way. I loved Sai and I hated him, because he had the strength I was lacking. And I punished him not letting him play. How shameful. How selfish. How foolish. How stupid can I get? Lots of times I wished I was Sai, to be worth of Touya. I only wanted to be worth of him. To find my own way. Even if that meant pushing Sai aside. Even if Sai's go is inside my go, even if he is inside me, I'm so weak compared to him... God, it's so damn frustrating...
Now it all is gone. Touya is so disappointed on me that he doesn't even want to play me. And I feel even guiltier because I sacrificed Sai for a dream that is suddenly fading away.
The 'ping' of the elevator startles me. I start walking towards the exit, so that the people who are going to come out of it don't think there's something wrong with me.
'Ah, Shindou-kun!', a voice calls me. I turn around to find out that Ogata-sensei and Amano-san are walking towards me.
'Good afternoon, Ogata-sensei. Amano-san...', I say with a neutral tone of voice.
'How was your game?', Amano-san asks me politely.
'I won.'
'As expected...', Ogata-sensei says. That flatters me. Ogata-sensei isn't one to give compliments. He's looking at me intently, though. I can't help but look away. He has always disturbed me. He has those dark and deep kind of eyes that seek for your secrets and grasp them and then he smirks as he lets you know, without saying a word, that he will be using your weaknesses to behead you... without remorse. And he is studying me with those eyes right now. Usually I would gather all my courage and I would look back at him, because I'm now a strong pro, even if I am still a lower-dan. But my spirit is crushed by Touya's cold eyes. And the unbearable thought of not being able to play him ever again. "Well, then..." Ogata-sensei says. That makes me lift my face to look up at him. There is an amused smile on his lips. It lingers there a while longer, while he and Amano-san walk out of the building. Just as the door is about closing after them, he turns around slightly to look at me again. That damned amused smile is even worse than his scary eyes. It makes me feel that he knows something I don't. Feeling a chill I lift my hand to grasp the strap of my backpack, and I compel my feet to walk towards the door.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:23

149.99.24.*：
I keep my eyes on the door and pretend not to hear him, which is more difficult than you might think because Shindou is so damnably loud.
"Oi, Touya!" I continue walking despite the rustling of cloth rubbing against cloth and the screech of rubber soles on linoleum tile.
"Hey, Touya!" This time the words are accompanied by a hand on my shoulder and I sigh inwardly as I turn around to look at the person attached to the foreign appendage that is demanding my attention. I mean to give him a harsh glare but I'm startled by the intensity of his gaze as my eyes meet his and the glare I had prepared for him turns into something more like a surprised gape. I blink.
"Shindou?" It comes out as a question.
"Geeze, Touya! Why didn't you stop when I called you? Are you deaf or something?" he asks in exasperation.
I look at him. He's trying to smile but he seems tense. I know he's waiting for my response.
"What do you want?" I ask coldly. It sounds harsher than I intend it to.
No. It doesn't.
Still, I can't help but feel a little guilty as his eyes flicker at my words. The fake smile is still on his face though, and the nagging of my conscience is overwhelmed by a sudden anger. Does Shindou really think I'm that stupid?
He looks down at his feet and shoves his hands roughly into his pockets.
"Er..."
I cock an eyebrow impatiently.
"I was wondering if you wanted to play a game." He says awkwardly after a short pause.
"I'm busy right now." I lie, struggling to keep my voice calm. "I have a tutoring session in twenty minutes."
"Oh," he says, and his smile falters a little. But he catches himself and it's there again, brilliant as ever. "What about after?"
God, I hate that counterfeit smile. I feel my eyes harden at the sight of it. Does he honestly believe he's fooling anyone? I grind my teeth in suppressed irritation. I don't like being lied to, and even though he's not using words to do it, Shindou is still lying. I look at him. He's waiting for my reply with that stupid, wretched smile still plastered across his face. I know that he's dreading what my answer will be and staring into those vulnerable eyes I can feel a confirmation forming in the back of my throat. But my gaze is suddenly drawn back to that awful 'smile' of his, and seeing it only adds fuel to my current furry, killing the affirmation before it can pass my lips.
"I can't," I respond tersely. "I promised Ashiwara-san I would go over some kifu with him."
I'm getting the hang of this 'lying' thing myself. I know that I should probably feel guilty, but I don't. He started it, after all.
"Oh..." he answers after a moment and the smile is gone longer this time. I'm almost thankful. Except I know that each time it falters he brings it back a little more brilliantly than before. "Then how about tomorrow?" he asks hopefully, his lips upturned in that counterfeit grin.
"It's a game day," I reply.
That's actually true.
"Gomen, I forgot." he pauses as he reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his head, a nervous habit of his. "Er...about what happened yesterday-- I mean, about Waya and me-"
Oh God. I do NOT want to talk about this.
"Sorry, but I have to go now or I'll be late for my tutoring session." I interrupt coolly before he can get another word in. I don't want to have to suffer through his explanation, or his smiles. I know what happened and it's none of my business.
"Oh, right." He answers, nodding cheerfully.
I almost wince at the spectacle.
"See you soon, Touya" he beams.
Not if there's a God.
"I'll be looking forward to it," I reply politely as I give him an icy smile. He offers me a sheepish half-grin in response that nevertheless makes his entire face seem to glow. And almost involuntarily I feel my own smile thaw. And for an instant I want nothing more than to go with him, just so I can see that smile again. The real one. The one that makes me want to smile back because I know that he's not lying to me; because I know that he's not trying to hide. But only for an instant. Then I remember why I declined his invitation in the first place. And my expression hardens again.
I give him a sharp nod of acknowledgement and without another word turn around and walk towards the exit. I know that he's still standing in the middle of the lobby, watching me. If I don't actually head for the train station he'll know I was lying.
It's still early afternoon, but it feels so much later. I have nothing to do for the rest of the day. I sigh as I go down the stairs, shrugging absently to myself. I haven't seen Isikawa-san in a while, I muse. It would be nice to talk to her, I've missed her lately. I smile approvingly at my own decision as I turn left when I reach the sidewalk and head towards my father's go salon, and away from Shindou Hikaru.
---------------------- 发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：
I nod dumbly, only dimly aware that it is only half past one and we have more than enough time to continue our post game discussion for a while longer. But I really don't want to be around Ogata-san right now, or anyone else for that matter. I'm not sure why, but I am suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to run away from anything even remotely pertaining to go, and Ogata-san has been kind enough to provide me with a welcome excuse to leave. Besides, we've both already memorized this game; it will be a simple matter to recreate and discuss it later.
"Hai," I reply weakly "Goodbye, Ogata-san."
"Goodbye, Touya-kun" he responds, the shadow of a smile flickering across his face as he rises from his chair. I stare at his retreating form as he leaves the game room.
Shindou Hikaru?
I sag back into the seat and stare blankly at the wall, too stunned to do anything else.
Did Ogata-san say....?
I almost smile, though I'm not entirely sure why. I knew that Ogata-san had an interest in Shindou, especially after the 'Sai' incident, but I didn't know he held him in high enough esteem to be able to recognize his technique. I don't know why I am so surprised. After all, Shindou really is almost as skilled as I am even though he's still only a lower-dan - --
My eyes widen in mortification. That's right! He's only a 3-dan. I had forgotten.
I curse. Shindou is here today. Wednesday is game day for the lower-dans, he must be here. I look at the clock. It's only 1:38. Perhaps if I leave quickly I can avoid seeing him. I head towards the elevators and press the down button. It's probably too early for any of the games to be over, but knowing Shindou he'll end it quickly. Especially since his opponent is a lower-dan. I stare down at my shoes as the elevator descends to the ground floor, trying my hardest to think about nothing.
The doors open with a soft 'ping' and I give a sigh of relief as I step into the foyer just before they close. There's no one in sight. The lobby is deserted and I whisper a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god might be listening. Then I hear it: the distinctive sound of a zipper followed by the soft rustling of paper against paper. I stop dead, too horrified to move but silently revising the prayer I had just finished.
Sitting on a chair behind a moderately large (and oh-so conveniently positioned) plant in a darkened corner is none other than my rival, Shindou Hikaru. He's hunched over in his seat, his bleached bangs hanging limply in the air as he continues to riffle through his backpack with a slight frown on his face. His eyes are intense, focused on his task, whatever it might be. He hasn't seen me yet, but that's bound to change soon.
I don't want to talk with him right now, but the doors have already shut behind me and the elevator has made its way up to the next floor. I take a sharp intake of breath and look straight ahead as I walk purposefully towards the exit, hoping that maybe he won't notice as I pass. Or if he does, that he won't say anything.
"Touya!" A familiar voice calls out my name.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：
Something is wrong.
Normally it seems as if he is memorizing me, filing away potentially useful information to be used against me in a later game. But the face he shows now is different than the one he usually wears when studying me, though I don't know how to describe it. I avert my eyes back to the goban and try to quiet my anxiety by losing myself in the game.
"Are you upset, Touya?" he asks suddenly, ending our mutual silence abruptly.
My head snaps up and I stare at him, dumbfounded.
"Why do you ask, Ogata-san?" I reply when I remember how to speak. I don't know why the question disturbs me, but it does.
"Your go, it was different today," he answers. His voice is calm and emotionless, but there's something about it that tells me that this is more than just a simple observation. I look down to study the goban, knitting my eyebrows in concentration.
It's true. My go was different today. It was less refined yet at the same time more subtle. I frown slightly. This style... it vaguely reminds me of something, though I don't know what and my ignorance disturbs me. Still, the difference is a slight one. I doubt anyone else besides Father and Ogata-san would have been able to notice. Well, maybe-
I shake my head lightly in annoyance and redirect my attention back to the goban. It doesn't matter.
I study the board a few moments longer. My go was different today, it's true, but I don't understand why that would make Ogata-san think I am upset. The game was still rather close; it's not as if I made any huge mistakes.
I lift my gaze to consider him, hoping that perhaps his face will betray his meaning; he looks back at me, expressionless. I give a small sigh. I know far too well that I won't be able to understand Ogata-san's purpose unless he wants me to. He raises an expectant eyebrow and waits for my reply.
"Hai, it was different today," I concede reluctantly. "But I'm not upset."
'It's not a lie,' I tell myself. But somehow I'm not so convinced. Ogata-san stares at me a moment longer, just long enough to let me know he isn't either. Then he raises a finger and points to the goban.
"This move here," he says, indicating a cluster of black and white stones in the upper left hand corner. I look at the board and back at Ogata-san. It was a perfectly reasonable move, though admittedly a little more daring than my usual play. Usually I probably would have cut instead of attaching, but still if you read far enough ahead... Though it's true that particular hand hadn't work out as well as I had hoped. Still it had the potential to be a devastating move had I been playing an opponent even slightly less skilled than Ogata-san. I glare up at him defiantly, waiting to be criticized. "It reminded me of something Shindou Hikaru might have done," he says, watching my facial expression with rapt attention as he speaks each word.
Shindou... Hikaru?
I blink, too stunned to respond. I look at Ogata-san then back at the board.
He's right.
The corners of Ogata-san's mouth twitch.
"We'll discuss this game later," he says after a moment, making to get up to leave. "I have an interview with Amano-san at two."
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：
Odd. Why did I think of it like that?
I shake my head lightly to dismiss the questions that begin to nag at the back of my mind. It's pointless to wonder about it anyway. Only Shindou can give the answers to those questions. And I'll never ask them. Because I know he won't answer. Not honestly. And why should he? We're not friends.
I pick up the black and white shell stones and place them in their respective bins with the deft precision of a person who has dedicated his life to the game. Taking a small, cleansing breath I begin to recreate Ogata and Kurata-san's match one more time.
Thirty minutes later I give up. It's hopeless; I can't concentrate. I look at the clock that rests on top of my bookcase, which besides the goban and futon is the only piece of furniture in the room. It's not even eight o'clock yet. I sigh. It's still early but I'm not meeting Ogata-san until around eleven tomorrow so maybe I can study some of his kifu after I wake up. Tomorrow I'll be better. I just need to sleep. Ogata-san is not an easy opponent under any circumstances. Still, I know that someday I will surpass him. I think he knows it too. I get up, turn off the light and lie down on my futon. Go is my life. That's all that really matters. I don't need friends.
And I don't need Shindou.
***********
"I have nothing," I say, bowing my head respectfully at my opponent.
"Arigatou gozaimashita."
"Arigatou gozaimashita."
We are sitting in the back of a public game room on the second floor. Although the room is sparsely populated I am surprised to notice that no one has crowded around the table to watch our game. Though I suppose it isn't that unexpected, considering the intensity we usually display during our matches. Still, I would think the opportunity to watch two of the leading players in the go world battle one another would be too tempting to ignore. Even if they *were* frightened of us.
Perhaps Ogata-san mentioned something to the receptionist. I vaguely remember hearing her heard a few people away at the beginning of the game.
Suddenly I notice Ogata-san is looking at me from across the table, studying me as I study the goban. He has an intense interest in anything he suspects might somehow affect his go, no matter how indirectly. I give him a questioning glance but his gaze remains steady and I shrug to myself. I'm used to his scrutiny by now. As the son of his mentor and now as a future challenger, I have been, in one way or another, subject to his looks my entire life. I ignore his silent inspection and begin to examine the game we have just finished.
I wince, staring at the board. It wasn't a bad game. I only lost by one and a half moku. Still, I am disappointed. In the past few years I have grown, so much in fact that I can now defeat Ogata-san one game out of every five. But that is not enough to snatch any of his titles away from him. At least not yet.
He continues to stare at me and I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I feel his eyes burn into me. Ogata-san's gaze has a habit of being unnerving and though I have tried, with general success, to develop an immunity to it, at times even I fall victim to his looks. His eyes gleam behind his tinted glasses as I lift my gaze to meet his and I feel my throat tighten.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：
Friends? We were never friends.

I pause as I fumble to grasp the key to my apartment with unfeeling fingers and unlock the door.
I'm home. How did I get here? I shrug as I slosh into the entry way. My slacks are heavy with rain water and my shirt clings stubbornly to my skin. I peel off my clothes, careful not to get the floor too wet and I suck my breath in sharply when I feel the heat of the apartment as it crashes against my skin. It stings. I'm surprised to realize how numb I had become on the way here and I mentally berate myself for being foolish enough to run home in the rain.
Still irritated by my own display of idiocy I walk down the hall. I continue past the small kitchen on the right and through the sparsely furnished living area until I reach the bathroom on the other side of the apartment. My flat is relatively small, but it's comfortable and easy to afford on my income.
I place the clothes on the towel rack to dry and hop into the tub to take a quick shower. I don't feel like washing, but I know if I don't there's a good chance I'll get sick. Not that I'm overly concerned about my health, but it would interfere with my go so I have no other choice.
A few minutes later I step out of the bathroom toweling myself dry and make my way into the bedroom. I haven't eaten anything since this afternoon, but I don't care. I'm not particularly hungry. So I change into my nightclothes and sit down on the futon.
Ogata-san and I arranged to have a friendly match tomorrow at the Nihon Kiin. He's been quite busy lately, especially now that he has won the Ouza title. He only had enough time to spare between interviews and tutorials late this Wednesday afternoon.
I riffle through the neat stack of kifu I keep in the closet, and pick out an assortment of Ogata-san's games. I try to collect as many kifu from the top players as I possibly can. I even have a few records from some of Ogata-san's net games. He plays Father over the internet whenever he can, just as I do. Father's go has evolved since his retirement, since his game with Sai. And he has pulled Ogata-san's game up along with his own. I should study the net kifu closest, I decide. Then I will go over his last match against Kurata 8-dan.
I pull the goban closer to me and I place my hand into the go ke and try to focus my attention on the board. I just don't want to think about today. I don't want to think about anything but go. Go is my life. It's my reason for living. It's who I am. That's enough for me. Friends are just a distraction. If I'm going to find the Hand of God I can't afford to have anyone holding me back. I'm lucky, really.
CRACK!
I start as I slam the stone onto the goban. I hadn't meant to place it down so hard.
I frown slightly as I notice that I haven't been recreating the game between Father and Ogata-san. I examine the shape on the board and it takes a moment before I recognize what it is: the very first game I ever played against Shindou.
Wait. No. That's not right. It's the first game I played against Shindou *after he became a pro*.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：Chapter 2: The Counterfeit Smile
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tokyo has never seemed so deserted before. The streets are empty and the sound of the rain as it pounds down onto the city drowns out the noise of my loafers as they smack against the concrete. The rain is deafening, but I don't mind. At least it keeps me from having to listen to my own thoughts.
I should probably take the subway instead of traveling to my apartment by foot, seeing as it is undoubtedly the more logical course of action. But I don't. Instead I desperately try to out run the storm. I'm not sure how long I've been running, but my cheeks are flushed and my lungs burn. I reach a tired hand up to brush away the hair that's now plastered to my face. A few strands have strayed into my eyes and I blink in discomfort, clutching my briefcase to my chest as I try in vain to keep it from getting soaked. I curse into the rain as I notice the condition of my satchel. It's ruined and all the papers and kifu contained in it are now illegible, smeared by the rain. And that knowledge only manages to darken my already foul mood.
This whole situation was preventable. I knew the storm was coming; the forecast called for heavy showers by late afternoon. I curse again in annoyance. I could have avoided all this if I had only brought an umbrella with me. I frown, remembering. Actually, I did bring an umbrella.
I left it at Shindou's.
I clutch my briefcase closer, scowling.
I'm never going back to that place again. I shouldn't have gone there to begin with. If Shindou had wanted me to come he would have invited me. But he didn't even tell me he was moving. If I hadn't bumped into Isumi-san outside of the Nihon Kiin this afternoon, I wouldn't have even known Shindou had a new apartment.
I thought that maybe he just forgot to tell me about it. Shindou's like that sometimes. But honestly I should have known better.
After all, he's not as clueless as he seems. Sure he's forgetful and horribly dense at times, but he isn't stupid. I should know that better than anyone. Shindou knows what he's doing; he has his reasons. It's just like those hands he plays in go that seem like mistakes or inexperience or just plain idiocy at first. But if you take those moves at face value you discover fifteen hands later that there was actually a hidden meaning behind them the entire time. That Shindou was reading ahead.
I was so stupid. I had begun to think that maybe I was more than just his rival. That maybe I was his friend. But I'm not. And I know I have no right to be angry with him about it. He's never claimed to be anything other than my rival. I just assumed...
He didn't even tell me that he and Waya were - that they were -
The image of Shindou stratling Waya as the redhead ran his fingers affectionately through his hair comes unbidden to my mind, and I flush remembering the dazed look on Shindou's face as the other boy's hand began stroking his back. God, Shindou was so mortified when he saw us standing there, and I knew I was unwelcome. The expression on his face was enough to tell me that. When he looked at me I couldn't help but smile mockingly at myself.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:27:03

149.99.24.*：
This is definitely not good.
Actually I would say it is bad.
I jump away from him to find out that Touya Akira and Isumi-san are looking at us with an expression between shocked, ashamed and something more that I can't place, on their features.
It is not bad. It is even worse.
I'm going to die of embarrassment.
I want the ground to swallow me.
I...
'This is not...', I start. Way to go, me. How have I ended up in this stupid and awkward situation? Waya is looking away, his face sad. Is he mad at me?, 'I mean, it was an accident! I... ', this is just great. I'm making a fool out of myself. And Touya and Isumi-san are looking at me. And I am looking at all of them in silence, like if I was retarded.
Then Touya looks away with a scorned smile on his lips and I feel something breaking inside me.
'Now I see why you didn't tell me you were moving out', he says, slowly turning around and leaving.
'Touya...', my voice trails off. His face was kind of shocked. He looked scared, angry, sad... his usually contempt face was filled with different feelings now. I don't know what that means, or why he is so mad at me (us?).
Isumi-san mutters an apology and walks out too. Waya and I are left alone. Both of us shocked and looking at the now empty doorway.
'What was that, now?', I ask with a trembling voice.
Waya looks at me and his lips twitch, showing an ironic smile. I walk to the outside of the building, but there's nobody there. The rain keeps falling heavily, and I like the feeling of getting soaked by it. I look at the flags that are decorating the streets. Boy's Day... something big always happens during that day. I can't get a hold of what is it this time. But I feel like something has begun.
I wish this rain could wash away the nasty feeling I have right now. Something is wrong with me too. I don't know why I am so bothered by Touya's reaction. I don't know what has happened with Waya back there.
Well, there goes the big change in my life. Now I really feel like going to Shuusaku's grave, to talk to Sai. I walk inside to look at gramps' goban once more.
No blood.
Why am I not surprised? 发布于 2019-02-03 08:26:43

149.99.24.*：
We get into the apartment, pushing each other like kids. Both his hair and mine are soaked and dripping.
'God. It's pouring...', Waya says, running his fingers through his hair.
Mama walks up to us and gives us some big disapproving look.
'I knew you are still a kid. You shouldn't be moving here on your own...'
She's messing around, opening boxes and looking inside them. What is she looking for? Ah, a couple of towels. She gives them to us and leaves to give grandpa a ride to his home. I look again at Shuusaku's goban. No blood there. Like if it never was. I sigh. I dry my face with the towel, then I feel another towel on my hair, and gentle hands sort of massaging my head. I blush when I realize it's Waya. He's saying something about being careful to not catch a cold. His hands on my hair are warm and gentle, even with the towel between his fingers and my hair. Eh... why the hell am I blushing? Isn't this situation a little bit too intimate?
'There. We have now assured our favourite Go prodigy a long healthy life', he says mockingly at my back. I blush deeper. What's with all the blushing stuff today?
'Cut it out!', I say, turning around, my wet hair falling heavily over my eyes. Waya stops talking in the middle of a sentence and looks at me with his lips slightly apart.
Something is wrong. The awkward silence goes on for some more seconds. I should say something to make us go back to reality. Waya looks away and smiles slightly. He looks... pained?
'Waya...', I say. He has stepped back. His hands still holding the towel. And the morose smile on his lips.
He then looks up, being his usual self again. But I can still sense something wrong. And I can't put my finger on it. I'm not as dense as everybody thinks... I know I shouldn't mess in his business. But Waya is one of my best friends and I definitely don't like seeing him like this. So I take a step towards him... and then my feet get tangled in something. I look down to see a towel lying on the floor. What the hell is that towel doing there? How did it get there in the first place? I look at my hands as I trip, with enough time to realize two facts:
That I was the one who dropped the towel.
That I'm falling.
'Damn!', I say while closing my eyes.
'Oi, Shindou! Watch out!'
I never hit the floor. Waya has reached out his hands to grab me, and I have pushed him, and now, I'm lying on top of him, with his hands clutching my wet t-shirt.
I look at him. My hands are set on the floor, on both sides of his face. He is violently blushing. I think I am too. I can feel the warmth of his body through the cold wet fabric of our clothes. I blush even deeper. This is wrong. Why is he still holding me? Why doesn't he let go?
He is moving his hand up my back, and I feel a chill. He is now running his fingers through my hair... and the sensation is... good.
Then I hear someone clearing their throats... in the doorway?
We freeze. One of Waya's hands is around my waist. The other is framing my face. And I'm sorta straddling him.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:26:43

149.99.24.*：
'Weirdo.', I say, turning towards the car.
'Wait, Hikaru. Your grandfather is also coming.'
Now I am annoyed.
'Gramps is? Why?'
Waya is looking at the sky. He sighs.
'It's going to rain, too, and I forgot my umbrella', he says.
'What the...?'
I shake my head. Why am I surrounded by this weird people? Is it some sort of divine punishment?
Oh, here he is. What is that thing he is carrying with himself? It can't be... It can't... Shuusaku's goban? Why? He told me he would give it to me and I refused to take it. Why is he bringing it now?
Hell, once again my eyes drift all along the smooth surface of the board looking for blood stains. Kinda creepy, aren't we? There's not a single stain. Nothing left. I'm always amazed at how it disappeared, taking Sai along.
'Shindou?', Waya voice is concerned. I think I was spacing out. Maybe I was making a sad face and all.
'Hai?'
'What's wrong? You suddenly looked sad...', see? It was obvious. Damn, why is Waya looking at me so intently? I'm going to blush if he doesn't stop looking at me like that. I run to my grandad to help him with the goban and keep Waya from seeing my embarrassed face. Feels weird to see him concerned about me.
'Why?', I ask grandpa. He knows what I mean.
'Because I felt it was the right thing to do. And the right time for you to have it. After all you are a pro worth of this treasure and the so-called tall ghost with the hat never came out...', he's laughing, but I feel something stinging my heart. I manage to keep the smile on my face though. I'm way too good at that. After all, am I not the easy-going type? I sort of hug the goban.
'Arigatou', I say.
A raindrop falls over it. Waya was right, it seems. We hurry to the car. I'm still hugging the goban when the car leaves towards my new home.
'You're holding that like if you were afraid it will disappear if you take your eyes off it', Waya says, breaking the silence. I loosen the grip. 'What is it?', he adds.
'A goban.'
'Baka.', he pouts looking through the window on his side. I can't help but laugh.
'It's as precious to me as if it was Honinbou Shuusaku's goban.'
It actually is. The one he died over. Creepy stuff.
'You're obssessed over that guy. No doubt he was a genius, but your admiration is kinda...'
Yeah, I know. Creepy. Like the goban. Like the blood stains. Like the fact of living with a ghost for two years. I laugh.
'You are obssessed with Ochi. That's even worse.'
Waya hits my arm.
'Am not. You're silly...', he sulks. I go on laughing.
When we get to our destination, the truck with my stuff is already there. It's raining heavily and the sky has turned almost black. We can hear some far thunders and the wind is a little cold. I protect the goban with my body as I run into the building. Waya follows me carrying the other goban. Mama and gramps are helping to get everything else inside my apartment.
After placing the goban over a table, I go outside, followed by Waya. We both get some stuff from the truck and go back inside. He is in a good mood, and that makes my mood good too. If you are feeling down, leave it to Waya to fix your day. When we make the last trip to the truck, we are both drenched and loudly laughing.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:26:43

149.99.24.*：Wakaranai
by: Datenshi Blue1
Chapter 1: Boy's Day.
It's so empty. No matter where I look, there's nothing left. Assuming that I won't be coming back here is a little bit harder than what I thought. I was so excited about moving out. But now... I can't help but think that I'll be somehow betraying Sai's memory. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's here where we lived, learnt and grew up together. Well, maybe he didn't literally grew up, since he was already an adult when we met (let alone the ghost stuff), but I felt him like a part of me, and so I took him for granted, blindly believing we would be together forever and a day. That he would be protecting and leading me, that I would be able to thank him, helping him to achieve the Hand of God he so looked up to.
The goban is there, on the ground. I'll take care of it myself. I don't want it to go in the truck with the rest of my stuff. My manga, my CD's, all my magazines (there are like hundreds of "Weekly Go" packed inside a huge box...).
I look out my now bare window. The wind is blowing through the flags again. It's the Boy's Day too. It's almost like if that was a magic date. Maybe my life is about changing again. I would like to go to Shuusaku's grave later, and sort of pray for this change to be good. Not that I'm a believer, or something like that, but I would like for Sai to look over me even if he is already in Heaven. Even if I don't deserve it. I would like for Sai to watch me grow stronger, if only to prove him that I'm worth the time he spent on me.
'Hikaru!!'
'I'm coming!', I say, looking at my empty old room for the last time. I shake my head and take the goban in my arms.
'Hikaru... do you really think you'll be alright?', mom asks me when I get downstairs, 'You should wait another year. Normally people move on their own when they are 18!'
''Kaasan... I told you I'll be alright. And that apartment is close to the Nihon Kiin too. It will be fine. I have a job. I get paid, I can pay the rent and...'
'I'm not talking about the money! You are too young and irresponsible to be living alone!'
I pout. She's acting like a mother hen. I guess it's only natural that she's worried and even a bit upset. But I'm only moving a few km's away. It's not like I'm leaving the country, or even the city.
I set the goban on the truck of the car and look around. Damn Waya. He's late. When I told him I was moving out, he offered to give me a hand.
'And your friend?', mama asks as if reading my thoughts.
'That I would like to know', I mutter slightly annoyed.
But the anger fades away as I see him running towards me waving his hand.
'You're late', I manage to look at least a bit annoyed.
Waya draws his hand to the back of his head and ruffles his own hair, looking ashamed.
'Gomen, I was just... ', he makes a movement as if to get his backpack off his shoulders and then sort of blushes and looks away. He's acting weird.
'Nani?'
He looks at me, blushing harder and then smiles, waving his hand to mean it's nothing.
发布于 2019-02-03 08:26:43